Well I wrote a huge reply the other day and when I tried to spell check it, it erased my post. So here I go again, if I can remember how I worded everything. Under the circumstances I don't think that a get together with the three of would have worked. L hadn't spoken to me in almost a year. He had been afraid of coming in between Hurt and myself. He didn't want to tear apart my family or hurt my children. I understand his worries and that is a mono perspective; a divide is what would normally would happen when you try to add someone new to a mono relationship. I had to get him face to face, to tell him I still love him and that I love hurt too, and that I had no plans of leaving hurt or breaking apart my family. He need to know that! He doesn't want to be a homewrecker.He now knows all of my feelings and the situation, and he isn't and doesn't want to avoid me anymore. Great for me and painful for Hurt.
I do realize that a 2 week visit was a bit long to be away from Hurt under the circumstances, but it isn't the way is seems. L lives in our (hurt, me, our kids) home state. All of our family is there and I couldn't take the kids to FL for a fast weekend trip. They wouldn't get to spend any time with the family. Leaving them wasn't an option either as I don't have anyone to watch them when I'm away. I split my time between L and his sister's and my family. The only reason I knew how L was feeling was from my newly reunited friendship with his sister. I found her when I found him and previously had a good relationship with L's whole family. I was at the hospital the day his sister second son was born and it was nice to see her as well as the rest of the family.
I do believe that I have NRE pretty well in check. Things wern't all lovie dovie,. I talked to hurt about 5 times a day, spent time online and over the webcam. I set my alarm for 6:30 am and talked to him before work, even when I was with L. I made every effort to show him love while I was away. I know Hurt was in a lot of pain and when he is sad, I am sad...when he is hurting, I feel his pain. esp now that I am the cause. I took a lot of time away from L to try and comfort Hurt. I am not perfect, I am human. I got home late last night and I know Hurt wasn't looking at me the same, he is at work today so we haven't had a chance to really sit down and talk as of yet.
As for the DADT, that was mutualy agreed apon, and was only until I was home and we could talk face to face. I didn't want him to be in pain or hurt and me not be able to hold him and look into his eyes while I tell him I love him. I don't think the phone is an appropiate way to tell someone such deep information.
I know he isn't much for posting on website, but I know he will read and hope that he will decide to post again. I think is will help him to see from the many different views on here. I know it helps me. I tried to encourage him to keep busy while I was gone, and visit some friends. He didn't he stayed at home and sulked the whole time. I just hope he will feel a little better with the kids and I home.