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Old 07-08-2010, 12:03 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Hmmm my issue with this is cheaters and swingers are not the same.
I doubt he was equating cheaters and swingers. I think the comment voiced frustration with cheaters and swingers who claim to be poly when they're not.

It pisses me off when everyone assumes, when I mention poly that I want a love in commune setting bordering on cultlike love fests.
I've never encountered that. Anybody who thinks that is showing extreme ignorance of the range of poly lifestyles--and people ignorant of poly that I've encountered almost uniformly hear of it and think it's just an excuse to fuck around.

Actually this entire tiny subset I have just thrown at you is exactly why I identify as non-monogamist or just open. Poly comes across as too restrictive in its extreme, swinging is too...slutty in its extreme. I fit somewhere in the middle ...Poly is what I am capable of to be sure as I can love multiple
Ah, well, accurate descriptions are useful. Is what you do swinging or open or poly? You can also lay claim to more than one if you do more than one.

And as the descriptor "polyamorous" is *not* limited to those wanting giant love in communes, I think it difficult to sustain an argument about the term being limiting. If you're involved in multiple romantic relationships, then it fits.

Also, I wonder how many people assume instantly that if I identify as poly that I am going to fall in love with them.
That sort of thing happens with folks finding out that somebody is non-monogamous, in general. I've mentioned being poly many times and then had women assume that meant I automatically wanted to hop into bed with them or date them, despite no sign of interest from me (perhaps it was wishful thinking on their parts).

I doubt it happens any more often that if you were mono, where some women assume that if you show any interest in them at all it means you're going to fall in love with them. The whole concept of "interest may or may not lead to connection" seems to be lost on some people.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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