Exploring the Myths
I've wanted some space to get my thoughts down, and since I wouldn't mind feedback, I think I'll do it here rather than in a paper journal or a private blog.
Mr. Unicorn and I have been slowly discussing the changes that a poly view would bring (is bringing?) into our lives. I've been so surprised by his openness and willingness to learn. I directed him to the xeromag discussions in case he was interested in reading on his own, and he has been reading and bringing up topics that concern him, or points of view he finds interesting.
We hadn't discussed much about the shape that other relationships could take, but I was relieved when I heard him say, "I don't like the idea of us having secret people on the side. If it happens, I want them to be known to both of us, someone who can come over and everyone's okay with that."
I assured him that having people who had nothing to do with the other important parts of my life was not appealing to me, and that the sense of community and family were a very big part of what I was looking for. Isolated relationships would just feel like a failure and a distraction to the sorts of things I am interested in building.
I also pointed out that we needn't be the best of friends with one another's partners, simply that we would be able to find things to relate to them. I said that I would love to be able to cook special meals with his potential SOs, and enjoy having them over for the weekend, or maybe longer.
I brought up the example of my friend (sticking with the theme, we'll call him Griffin), whom Mr. Unicorn thinks is a bit strange, but likes well enough to, in his words, "find interesting things to speak about whenever we get together." I told Mr. Unicorn that my ideal is that this would be the baseline for how we should see each other's SOs, and hopefully on better terms than this.
All in all it was a great talk.