Idealist Poly Blog Part 28- We have met twelve couples in the last 3 weeks.
It has been a while since I have written, so I have a lot of catching up to do!! This will truly make your head spin and I can’t believe I’m living through this right now!!!.....so here goes.
Richard and I decided to spend some time and energy pursuing other couples in order to find some new friends for socializing and emotional connections which can evolve into sexual relationships.
We joined an online dating site for swingers on June 1st. We made it clear on our profile that we are looking for more than just recreational sex. We desire new friends and social companions also.
We weren’t getting the type of response that we were hoping for, but we did meet 2 couples from that site, which I did share about already. We are still in touch with one of the couples and then we changed to another site on June 14th.
We had two “play parties” at my house. There were 8 people at each one. I had an opportunity to have “casual sex” (whatever that is LOL) but turned it down.
Then, on June 14th, we joined a different site and we have already been on 10 first dates with 10 different couples from that site. Plus we attended a Pool Party that we were invited to and it was fun as we ended up with about 20 people naked in the pool!!!
This is a breakdown of the couples we’ve met. The male’s initial will be given first.
G&L- drove in to attend a party at my house consisting of 7 people. L and Richard ended up having sex with each other, but everyone else just stayed with the person they had come with…..all in the same room.
M&C- I met them for dinner on a week night and then they attended a party at my house attended by 8 people. C and Richard along with two other guests went into the GBR to play while me and the remaining guests socialized in the LR.
B&C- attended the above mentioned party. I socialized with them and we talked about possibly getting together sometime.
M&S- one Friday night, Richard and I met them for drinks. There was an immediate attraction between Richard and S, but I didn’t feel as much attraction for M. M has been contacting me and trying to develop a friendship with me which I appreciate because it may affect my attraction to him. The only thing is that S in straight, and I started thinking that maybe we shouldn’t even be meeting any couples where the female is straight because I am bi and really wanting that female on female intimacy.
L&T. We went to N.O. and met L&T briefly for a drink. I was fairly attracted to both of them, but Richard wasn’t attracted to her. She wasn’t attracted to him either. They had other friends meeting them there anyway, so we moved on.
L&J That evening, we met L&J. I was very attracted to both of them. But, she and Richard didn’t have an attraction for one another. And again, she is straight, so she had no interest in me. That leaves a major attraction between me and L which will probably never result in anything because of the lack of interest between Richard and J.
C&K. While in N.O., we met C&K. I was attracted to both of them, Richard was attracted to her and she seemed to be attracted to me…..so, we’ll see if we can meet up with them again!!
D&L. Then, I met with D&L for dinner on a week night to get acquainted. I was somewhat attracted to D, but not L. But, they invited me and Richard to a pool party on Saturday and we decided to go.
A girlfriend called and asked if I wanted to meet her out. So- I went from the dinner with D&L and met Sandy at a dance club. I had been thinking about how 3 months ago I had access to 4 male lovers and now I don’t seem to have any. Steven lives 1,000 miles away. John decided he wants a monogamous partner, so we aren’t speaking any more. Charles is with Holland now almost exclusively- so he’s no longer available and Richard is only available- basically on Friday and Saturday nights because he’s working out of town. Richard has a female partner where he’s living out of town. She hasn’t had a partner in over 10 years, so he is having a lot of sex with her. Basically, I’m suddenly needing a guy….I’m thinking this when I walk into the club and see this guy that I’ve known for a while (Jacob), but we’ve never dated. I am and have been VERY attracted to him. I walk right up to him, ask him if he’s with anyone. He says NO. I ask if he’s in a relationship. He says NO. So I say “Do you want to come home with me tonight?” He says YES. Apparently he hasn’t had sex in 3 months. OMG…it was great….. SO…..this was the first time I have had sex with a person that I am not emotionally involved with in 24 years!!!! And I feel really good about it!!! We have plans to get together again tomorrow night….a week later!! He is only the 8th guy I’ve had sex with in 24 years.
M&D- On Friday night, we went to dinner with M&D. There didn’t seem to be much sexual attraction at all between any of us, but we had a great time….felt like we had known them for years and might see them again. Sometimes an attraction does come up later....and they were people we would like to have as friends.
M&L- on Saturday night, we went to the pool party. Richard was occupied, while I befriended M&L, but especially L in the pool. I was very attracted to her and she seemed to be really enjoying me too. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to M, but I liked him okay. They expressed that they would like to go out for dinner. I later found out that she is not attracted to Richard. So- I have asked if they would like to see me alone. We have tentative plans to meet next week.
K&P- also in the pool, we met K&P. me and P played in the pool for quite a while. She is super sexy. Then, Richard came back into the pool and swept P away. At that point, K and I played for quite a while. There was definitely a physical attraction between Richard and P. Between me and P and between me and K. The only thing about them is that I didn’t really like P as a person…..she didn’t seem to be a person I would like to spend more time with. Physical attraction is great, but if there is no emotional connection, what do you have??
T&G drove in from out of town to meet us for dinner and a fireworks show. Richard and G had an attraction as well as me and G. I had a small amount of attraction for T. After dinner and drinks, she and I decided that we would go up to their room and that she and I would play for a while with the guys watching us and just see what happened. They guys actually seemed quite content just watching us, but we did eventually ask them to join us.
So- the discussions about casual sex is coming up for me now in a big way. Because, you could call this last encounter casual sex. But, the reasons why I am okay with it are various. Richard had a connection with her. They liked each other. I came to like and enjoy the guy. As a foursome, there seemed to be a good bit of compatibility. She and I really connected sexually and we both really enjoyed the intimacy with each other. It seemed to be a need that she had just as I have that need for female closeness. This is a relationship that we would like to pursue. So- I guess it’s not considered “casual sex” because there is an interest in future interactions, dates etc.
Now- the sexual interaction with Jacob…..would that be casual sex? Maybe….but I do intend on having a continuing sexual relationship with him. I am open to developing an emotional connection with him if it happens. But, maybe I’m just using him….. I need a male sexual partner. Also- I am going to ask him if he would be willing to meet some of these couples that we have met where everything was good, except the woman wasn’t attracted to Richard.
So- I said at the beginning that it would make your head spin….. I can’t believe I am living through all of this right now…….but I feel good about it so far…… I know some people might feel that it's too much too soon, but I tend to do things like that and then things eventually stabalize out after a while....so, I'm going with it.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.