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Old 07-07-2010, 08:11 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Great question!

Originally Posted by Irena View Post
1) One of the points of being poly, it seems to me, is not restricting the potential of different people that could come into our lives. If we had this "rule" in place about being monogamous for a while, then one of us met somebody really great, should we really have to dismiss that potential?
Yep! I imagine that if that person got met, you'd suddenly be in an unfortunate position of someone wanting to renegotiate the rule and the other person having to play rule enforcer. Why go there?

Originally Posted by Irena View Post
2) The pressure of monogamy, for a seriously poly-inclined person, isn't necessarily any less than the pressure of polyamory. Why should I inflict that on him?
I don't think anybody should be "inflicting" anything on their partners. That said, I think that there might be a better way of looking at this. Imagine that the two of you decided to take a two week vacation to a cabin in the woods. You'd be de facto monogamous, but it wouldn't feel like an imposition, right?

Originally Posted by Irena View Post
3) Since I've never been in any kind of open relationship before, I wanted to make sure I was really and practically comfortable with it, not just theoretically comfortable. And I wanted to make sure of that before we got so emotionally invested in each other that walking away would be difficult.
This is very smart.

Originally Posted by Irena View Post
So, short-term monogamy agreements: a good idea in some cases or not? A good idea in my case or not? I'm going to talk with him about my worries regardless, but I'd like to hear some input.
I suppose I could imagine scenarios where it might be a good idea, if there aren't any other already existing relationships involved. I think that, from what I understand of your case, what you need is not monogamy with an expiration date, but some time to focus on your relationship (that cabin in the woods, perhaps?). Do a lot of couple stuff together doing things you both enjoy, spend time together that might otherwise be spent being out and social, whatever works for you.
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