Thread: Help?
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Old 07-07-2010, 05:53 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
Friday night we went out with a group of friends, and got very intoxicated. She was attrated to a male friend of mine from my childhood. I may have given my ok, Im not sure. I then interrupted them and stopped it. Yes, I behaved like an ass and have since apologized to both.

She has decided she is polyamourous, and has continued communicating with him, and intends to finish what she started.
Drunk sex isn't poly. Its...well drunk sex. Is she wanting to find someone else to love or be open to having other people to have sex with? (btw you can be both, but if its all about the shag with friends, thats more swinger style)

I am trying to come to terms with a myriad of emotions; rage, hurt, inadequaceies, embarassment, love, the whole package. I've pretty much done nothing but cry and vomit since Friday. I have still somehow been able to go to work, and minimally function. I don't know how to come to terms with this, or if I can. Any advice is hugely appreciated!!!
Honestly, you should never have offered an open relationship so freely if you couldn't handle it. It sounds like you offered it to be the nice girl, but in reality created a bridge you weren't prepared to cross.

As to your emotional upheaval. You may need to work through why you feel inadequate. Is it because she is seeking sex with someone else? Figure that out, and ask her. Communicate the concerns. Hopefully she can re-assure you.

Embarrassment is like regret. You are embarrassed because of how you acted I think? Well you can't live regretting the past, might as well accept the fact that they accepted the apology and move on into the future Its really all you can do

Coming to terms with it all, find a way that is comfortable for you to vent and process what is happening. Personally, I like to write. I keep a journal that I use when needed. My wife has full access to it, so when I am completely off of my rocker and having challenges communicating completely, she can read my thoughts. It helps us in times of severe upheaval

I would also recommend reading a couple of books (inclusive to reading this site)
Opening Up
Ethical Slut

and this website on poly

All of which should help you process your feelings and slowly move the relationship into a healthy open relationship

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