Let me just levy my vote on the side of those who say DADT is not poly, and not just.
And on the side of those who say that your lady needs to realize that she's had her cake and been eating it too for quite some time.. she's got to understand that you may have outside interests and, as long as she's playing the game, she will have to accept them.
The whole "it's ok for me to do it, but not for you" thing just doesn't fly with me. Either she's poly, or she's not. If she's not, then she's NOT.. and that means bye-bye boyfriend, hello monogamy. This sort of hypocritical behavior infuriates me.
And for those who condemn Propast for not getting things ok'd before the first date... well, S had specified "DADT".. Pro's mistake was, apparently, telling.. even though we all know that it was probably a relationship-saving move.
S is maintaining a double standard in several ways.. double standards rarely produce positive results. No, life is not "fair".. but successful poly relationships are "equitable", and take into account the feelings/needs/wants of all parties.
Short form? Either it's a poly relationship, or it's not a poly relationship. In the end, no matter how fond of D either one of them is, unless it develops into a full triad, Pro's going to end up angry and hurt again. Poly is give and take..S might just have to step a bit out of the comfort zone if she wants to keep what she has.
Hell, there are those that might call it cuckholding instead of poly, as it sits.