Thread: ouch - help
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Old 07-30-2009, 08:02 AM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigrrrlily View Post
guy breaks up with me saying he's met someone else and he feels he's monogamous, as if this is self-explanatory. wasn't he supposed to not start with someone else if he was so monogamous? why do some monogamists, especially the serial kind, seem to think that breaking up won't be painful for us? how should i feel about having been used as the lubrication to move the guy from one relationship to another? what can i say to him to drive the message home? should i bother?
Hi tigrrrlily

So sorry to hear of your loss.

I have lost a few partners to monogamy over the years. I do think it is a common (but utterly wrong) misconception of others, that poly people are carefree about moving from one relationship to another (and I also find it really annoying!). This seems so nonsensical to me, because the very fact that we id as polyAMOROUS should underline the point that we get attached and we know it.

I lost a partner of 2 years to monogamy at the end of last year .. he had learned poly and enjoyed it, but was feeling he couldn't manage any more because he found it hard to form a relationship with anyone else willing to have a meaningful relationship because of his relationship with me (and didn'tlike being used as an ouitlet for people wanting casual relationships). That sucked. His way of explanation was that for him polyamoury is a choice, not a necessity... and he's trotted off in the hope of finding a nice woman to settle down and start a family with. that hurt, but I can understnd his fear - at least in that sort of situation it is easier to let someone go with love to pursue their best life.

I have put a few people straight over the years that no, poly people are not there to provide them with casual sex because we can handle it. Sheesh, it's a little offensive really!!

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