Just a quick note about our latest challenge!
I come from a very mono, vanilla background. Not sexually repressed, just one where sexuality is lower key, more private between couples. Redpepper comes from a background of much greater diversity and openness about sexuality.
My tendency to shut down when she spoke of sexually natured things we could go see and she is interested was initially interpreted as me judging the people in her life and the sex positive environment.
We had a date night recently and the first thing we did was spend a good hour discussing this. I had to explain my reasons for getting quiet so I knew she understood. Basically, the more open approach to sexuality in the sex positive community generated fear in me. A fear of losing her. We identified this and I asked her to help me become more knowledgeable and comfortable in her community, as I have chosen a life with her, which puts a distance between my own past community.
She is extremely patient in letting me become more comfortable with this new world. Her husband and other Love are also very understanding. I worried about putting a damper on all of their fun in certain things but am accepting that this is not the case.
I am pushing myself to be more comfortable in a sex positive environment but will not do anything I think will harm my connection with her. This is not about polyamory, multiple loves or about having sex. It is about not only accepting different interests, but also being comfortable around them in a healthy way with her and her Husband.
Once again communication takes us to another level. The benefits are huge! I am even more in love with her. She is so doomed