Thank you for your bravery. I am feeling your pain. This has taken several attempts to write... I am Mr Rustyís wife. We have been together for 30+ years, for the last couple of years have had to be apart during the week for job reasons and have children who are now older teenage/young adults. J at first was adamant that it was pure friendship and now has discovered how much she feels for him. They have been developing a relationship for several months and after a traumatic weekend with the 3 of us together discovered the website in May which explained how he had been feeling for years. He is excited, I am devastated. He says he cried when he read the posting from Hurtís wife; how many nights and days have I cried?
I have a very difficult weekend ahead. They are spending another time together.
Since the end of May they have had a weekend and 5 days together. They have taken my feelings into account and come to a compromise, in that they slept together but with pyjamas on and no sex. I found that so difficult. ..
I find the enthusiasm and pressure to accept is exhausting. What will I accept in terms of frequency of visits? Why donít I want them to have sex? It should be natural for him to talk about what they have done and how she feels etc. I know it is what this site says is what should happen, but it hurts so much to even think about the relationship being there, let alone having to negotiate decisions. At least our children are independent enough not to be affected greatly. Itís easy when he seems to have everything to gain and I can only see what I am losing. He tries to reassure me, but he has been my partner, best friend and soul mate for so long and now he will be spending time with her and I am left alone. Why is that emptiness called jealousy? Why is that something I need to deal with because it is wrong? He says there is a better place beyond this, I hope so because I donít like it here.
I am not sure if this lifestyle choice is one that I want. I need to find out if it is what I want, rather than something I am prepared to put up with. So that I can answer this I am having to tell him that he can come to me when he wants, and only when he wants, not when he feels he has to. I am having to tell him that his relationship with her can be expressed as they wish. I have to let them be free, even though it is not what I want.
I have to know that he really does want me for who I am. I hate the recent change of personality that this has caused in me. I was referred to as being Ďone of lifeís rocksí, I have been a jibbering wreck. I need to feel that he does love me as he says. If he does, how can he not care about how I feel and what this is doing to me?
It doesnít matter what I do or how many people I am with, because this weekend I am totally alone.