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Old 07-06-2010, 05:30 AM
Imperfect Imperfect is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by hurt View Post
well me and my wife have been together for ten years now. We have two children together. About a year ago she told me she still had feelings for an old boy friend from high school. I am normaly not jelious so i had no problem letting her talk to him. now two weeks ago she decieded to fly a 1000 miles to see him. I have never cheated on her, and she has never cheated on me, but I know they have been spending nights together becouse she told me so. All I do is lay awake at night hateing myself for letting her go. The thought of her holding him kills me. I dont know if I will ever be the same. She told me about this web site and told me this is how she feels and how she wants to be. I am not , but I am not comfertable with it. She is telling me everything will be fine, but I dont see how.I dont want to loss my wife and family. If anyone has any advice I would appretiate it.
Hello Everyone, I am hurt's wife and I thought I should add some additional information on our situation. Both hurt and (L) came into my life while I was pretty young. I was with hurt

for almost 2 years before we broke it off. During that time I started dating L, he is someone that I had known for many years and had been friends before hurt and I were ever

together. The relationship that we had was great; he was there for me when I was going through my hard spots. The only problem that we had was that I couldn’t shake my love for

hurt even though I loved L very much. I was young and unaware of how to deal with the love for both of them. I felt that I had to make a choice, you can’t love and be with them

both so I decided that since I had a longer romantic history with hurt and if I couldn’t shake the love I felt for him than he must be who I needed to choose. Hurt and I got back

together, married; we now have two beautiful children 6 and 8. Hurt is a wonderful husband and father. And other than this current issue, we sync pretty well with each other. I

have always told him that L was a great guy and I had always felt bad for him, being as how he himself had done nothing to warrant me leaving him to get back with hurt. I have

pushed back my feelings L for the last 10 years, being so busy as a stay at home Mom and wife. Now, the kids are a bit older and I have more time to think about me and the things

in my head. I wanted to know how L was doing in life and to know if he was married and how many kids he had. I just wanted to know that he was doing ok and that he was happy.

Hurt and I have always had excellent communications skills, we talked about finding him and he was supportive of me looking L up. Last year I found him and went to see him for the

first time. I never imagined how the feelings would hit me when I did see him and look into his eyes. I saw and felt the love through his eyes. I knew I still loved him and that he still

loved me. Our visit was strictly platonic, we talked about hurt and our children, and about both of our lives over the last 10 years. L is not married and has no children. I went to visit

him once more and to visit with his sister, again everything was kept friendly. After that 2nd trip he seemed to disappear, he wouldn’t take my calls, or speak to me. His sister finally

got him to tell her why, and his response was that he could tell that there was still feelings between us and didn’t want to cause problems between hurt and I or our children. So for

the last year I have backed off other than my reunited friendship with his sister, who has turned into one of my best friends. I ask how he is doing and she tells me when he asks the

same. When I made the plans for a visit back to my home state to spend some time with her and let our kids spend time with their grandma’s; she told me that he said he may stop by

and visit with me. I have been torn for the last year because I know he still loves me too, even though he was trying to protect hurt and my kids. I love hurt and don’t want to lose

him but the thoughts of L were driving me insane. During the last year while searching what to do and how to choose between lovers; I found this forum. Even though it goes against

everything I know, I am a very open minded person, the thought of being poly was like a dream. I wasn’t alone in wanting to love them both and not have to choose or risk splitting

up my family. This is what I want. Hurt gave me permission for this trip and to be free to love L in anyway that felt right to me, that is if L did decide to see me during my visit. L

did come to see me and I told him how I still loved him and that at the same time I still loved hurt. We talked for hours and he understands to the best of his ability about what I

want. He knows I have no plans to leave hurt, but I can’t make myself stop loving him….I have tried. He is willing to accept my love even knowing that he will never have it all. I know

that hurt was really hoping that L would not show and that he would be my only option. He is in so much pain and I’m the cause. I have done my best during these last two weeks to

tell him how much I love him and even with L near me, it hasn’t changed how I feel about him. I have spent a large amount of the time I am with L, talking on the phone to hurt so

that he knows I’m still thinking of him. I still set an alarm and call him at 6:30am when he has to get up for work, I talk to him online. I’m really trying not to be a bad person through

all of this. We had a DADT in place just until I was home and could discuss things face to face, but he broke DADT and asked if we had spent the night together. I couldn't lie, that is

something I don't do. So now he is hurting more and I'm not there to hold him. Tomorrow is the last day of my visit, and I have split my time between our family and L and his sister. I

was surprised that he posted to the forum, I had stored it in the favorites and asked him to read some of the post to see things from all sides, but up until I left he hadn’t done so. I

hadn’t even posted on our situation, I have just been reading and educating myself and hurt about being poly. I love them both and I guess I always have, I don’t want to choose, I

can’t. I know you all will have great input and advice so thank you all in advance.

Last edited by Imperfect; 07-06-2010 at 05:45 AM. Reason: added spacing for better reading.
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