Originally Posted by immaterial
Poly people can be successfully monogamous, as polyamory is not non-monogamy. It seems interesting to me, however, that loving many but being sexually focused on only one can be done. I have never been able to do that. Of course, I am an admitted non-monogamist, however.
This is a bit garbled. What I mean is: you don't have to "go back" to being mono if you are polyamorous. You can be polyamorous and mono. Does that make sense? I guess you could even recognize you are non-monogamous and just choose not to act on it. I haven't had much success with that, however.
Yeah, if I may sound like a child just for a moment "I don't wanna"!!!! Wahh!!!
Dh has asked me why I need to have sex with them. And the truth is, I don't *need* to. It is a significant want, so much so that it feels like a need, but I can't honestly say it is a need.
My first oso and I had sex and it was a reflection of both our love for each other and where we were at then (that's cryptic, but...).
My 2nd oso and I have talked a lot about it. Sex is not the be all and end all for us. But intimacy is important to us. We would like to have sex as an expression of our feelings for one another. We are respecting the boundaries dh has set, but it does feel like a constraint.
My potential oso is an experienced poly guy/swinger. It's amusing to me how slow he is moving. But it fits for all of us right now. I don't need
to have sex with him. Do I want to? Yes, but I'm also scared d/t his experience. So, slow is good.
I'm composing a post about the meaning of sex, but who knows how long that will take to get posted
I guess that was off track, but the point, I think, is that I've moved to this point with the others, and feel pressured by that even though no one is, in and of themselves, pressuring me.
I hope this makes some sense...