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Old 07-04-2010, 07:20 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 135

Loneliness. It's definitely up for me now. My separated other and I have been apart for a few months and living alone for almost a month. It seems like not very much time. I think I am coming up against my love addiction. I realize it may be disturbing and annoying to talk about a "love addiction," but I do have some perspective of the shape of it. There is this yearning, whining part of my heart that wants to be in a dyad. It's this part that I have obeyed over and over again in agreeing to monogamous pairing. The whole world seems inaccessible at times without this sharing partnership. It is not precisely the same thing as codependency, as codependency is a broader and more amorphous desire to be defined well by others, to seek identity outside myself.

Love addiction is powerlessness and unmanageability over the heart's need to fall in love, be in love, have that NRE, get that sparking thrill of being loved and admired, imagine a partnership in which both people complete each other, a complementary and blissful union. This too has a completely different feel from sex addiction, of course. I suppose that's why there is actually a program called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

It's a good thing the 12 steps are the same across all of these recovery programs, or I'd have to go to 5 meetings of different groups a day. :-)

The bottom line for me seems to be, if there's a way to look outside myself to manage my feelings and to change my state of consciousness, I'll compulsively try to do it. I remember a guy in Santa Fe who would introduce himself at AA meetings thusly: "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm an everything addict."

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