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Old 07-04-2010, 05:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,677

Originally Posted by clairegoad View Post
Actually, poly threesomes seem to be really great friendships, that evolve into mutual sexual attraction. The friendship portion is, rather important. Really, how much time can you spend in bed? There's a lot of time left for talking, cooking, watching movies, swimming, playing on the beach, etc. --non-sexual activities.

Okay, maybe they don't start that way, but the friendship/relationship is the difference between Poly and a one night stand/swinging.
agreed Claire, poly relationships are not about boy toys... or sperm donors for that matter. It might take a bit to get into the swing of relating to a man if the two of you are women. It might be worth investigating what it is you actually want from a man. Maybe starting at a snails pace and not thinking about the destination would be more appropriate. After all, men ( and anyone for that matter) have their own lives to consider... they are going to have their own needs in a relationship with the two of you, rather than being the object of your desire.

When I first came out as non-monogamous about 15 years ago (I didn't know the term poly, I only knew that about 5 years ago), I was identifying as a lesbian for 10 years by then and had a wife of 5 years. We always thought that we would have other female lovers, but I fell for a friend of ours. Nerdist. My wife tried her darnedest to bring him into our lives and be a part of his sexually, but she could not. She is a lesbian and monogamous. It broke us up in the end and I married, and had a child with Nerdist.

I think I know a little of what you are talking about and the delicate nature of suggesting bringing a man into a relationship... and being in his life. I can tell you, the whole dynamic changes entirely when men are involved... the energy is completely different... my hormones changed entirely. My body changed to merge with his energy. It was a complete 180 turn in my life when nerdist and I got together.

I lost my friends, my community, my wife (I still love her dearly), my sense of self recognition in terms of my body and identity. I am completely different now. I am a better me, but I miss the women's community and all that went with it. If I could merge the two I would, but that, for some reason, is unacceptable in the lesbian community and I just sit on the outside and be sad.

Again, this warrants a lot of educating I think and not only checking in with your partner very delicately (I can see why you would hesitate now, thanks for more info) but also doing some soul searching as to what this may come to for you and her... will you be okay with buying donor sperm on line? or do you really want to include a daddy in that way..? would it be better to find a friend? my friends have included gay men who want to be daddies in their lives.. sperm and all, but no sex. what are you options?

Good luck, you have a lot to think about.

One last thing, please refrain from using derogatory terms such as "retarded" on this forum. Words such as this are unacceptable as they are demeaning and phobic towards people with cognitive and developmental disabilities.

I will get my buddy with down syndrome on you... he is a force to be reckoned with. He doesn't take to that kind of shit talk.

Oh ya---- happy pride, I'm off to our pride parade and celebration!!! woot woot.
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