Thread: i need help
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Old 07-04-2010, 04:48 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

okay DW, maybe he should pay for his flight... the thing is that she is going to do what she wants anyway, so why not curb the situation to suit husbands needs more. That is what this is all about.

When I was dating and met Mono I was just like her. I was selfish, had my own agenda, wanted to do everything my way and was completely oblivious to what was really going on for Nerdist.

Nerdist was amazing! He kept his emotions largely to himself, because he knew that I was going to go out and do what I needed to for myself anyways. He stood aside while I found my feet in it all and had my independence. He knew he had no control over me.

What benefited me was that when things got pushed too far he put his foot down. When I went off to sleep with Mono a few days after meeting him he called me and said I had to come home. I had breached our agreement and he was very upset about it. I came home, we worked it out. I knew he meant business.... the fact that he had given so much created respect for him in me.

The point is to give in order to receive. He gave me space and freedom, but not at the point of jepordizing what we have and what my responsibilities were to my family. He put my foot down then and I respected and admired him for that.

Maybe part of his ability to give is to create a situation where by he has more say, and that is to bring the guy to him. That way they can go about a process that is more healthy in terms of timing, growing into it and everyone being aware that this is a relationship of three (and kids) rather than two.... of course, if this is a open marriage thing and not poly at all then that is a different story. In open marriages there is not generally inclusion of ones other partners in a relationship dynamic.

As to NRE, it's a bitch and yes, that is what is happening here. It makes people selfish, controlling, and wearing rose coloured glasses as if they are drunk, rather than realizing the full extent of what they are doing. It sucks and seems bizarre, but, completely normal (and needs to be treated like a temporary mental health issue ).
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