Thanks! (and correct on the movie line - a great movie that I think I need another viewing of in the near future)
I wasn't sure how much to post in this Intro vs. New to Poly section. But now I'm thinking I should give the background here so people who read my other posts and think 'Who is this David Webb guy?' can find my back story in one place.
I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman.
She is the only person I ever really dated.
She is the only person I have ever loved.
She is the only person I've ever been intimate with.
For the first 12.5 years of our marriage, it was just her and me. We loved spending out time together. We would do just about everything together - not because we had to or were supposed to as husband and wife - but because we truly enjoyed each other's company.
Then last December she fell in love with another man and in January had sex with him. She "discovered" she is poly. I had a hard time dealing with it to say the least and knowing this she shut down the intimacy piece with this guy.
She did an admirable job of reassuring me that her love for me was as strong as ever, that our marriage was as strong as ever. Because of that reassurance from her and me seeing how happy she was when she was able to be with him, I agreed to her resuming the sexual piece of her relationship with him.
At the same time, seeing her so happy, I decided to try this poly thing out. I started doing the dating site thing, didn't have much luck at first but yadda yadda yadda I've been on a handful of dates with another woman. She is nice enough, and in a different set of circumstances I think something could develop between us, but I just don't feel like I can. Five dates and all I've managed to do is put my hand on her leg and even that felt weird and I couldn't wait to have a reason to move it.
Meanwhile, my wife also joined the dating site as well and yadda yadda yadda she now has 2 more secondaries. So the original guy who I would call her boyfriend (BF). And now these 2 others. One of them (OSO1) she emails often, talks on the phone occasionally, and sees him about once a week. The other (OSO2), she emails often, does not talk on the phone with, and sees him about once every two weeks.
There's some more backstory here. I'm torn because it is relevant, but a bit too personal for an online forum imo so I'm going to leave it out for now.
I had been doing *relatively* well with all of this. I'd have good days and bad days, but the good days were starting to outnumber the bad. I saw the benefits for her and the ripple effect back to us. But deep down, I still struggled with it all. That's not unusual, right? I mean, 12.5 years of a simple mono (GOOD!!!) marriage and now in 6 months I'm sharing her with BF, OSO1, and OSO2.
Then something happened last week. Or I should say, a lot of small-to-medium things happened in the last week. And I have really soured on all of this. HARD. I feel as bad today as I did when I first found out about the BF.
I now hate that she sees these other guys.
I now hate that she is physically intimate with these other guys.
I now hate that I originally agreed to all of this.
I could go on, but those are the biggies.
To me, right now, the hardest part is thinking of these other guys with my wife sexually... holding her hand, stroking her hair, kissing her lips, kissing her breasts, touching her, fingering her, being inside her...
(sorry if that got too crude, but I was banking on this being an adult-only site)
To the point where I was laying in bed this morning, awake, trying to fall back asleep, but picturing her with OSO1 that she saw yesterday. When she moved and her leg brushed up against mine, I practically jumped out of the bed. I couldn't even lay next to her.
Just two weeks ago I would have moved with her and snuggled up to her. WHY???
I *despise* this feeling in me. I love her so much. I don't want her to be unhappy. I don't want her to have to be somebody she's not.
I need to end this here as I'm getting a bit choked up and need to start my day anyway. I may try to post more later, but I'm glad I got most of this out now.