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Old 07-04-2010, 08:18 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Hi Leslie,

I often get asked why a mono/poly relationship works for me. I'm Mono, Redpepper is poly.

The main reason that this works for me is that I have a wealth of traditional monogamous experience.

I have had the traditional mono marriage which was great for many years. I got to "show off" my spouse just like the vast majority of the people around me and she got to show off hers. I raised a daughter into her teen years just like everybody else, neighborhood picnics with all our other mono friends, family photos, just like everybody else etc, etc.
First and foremost, I had a "normal" mono marriage based on the exclusive commitment of two people who willingly give themselves to each other intimately.

In other words I experienced all the usual things that most monogamous people desire to experience such as sexual exclusivity and automatic social acceptance. There are things that a poly relationship would not have been able to fulfill...but I have already done those and don't need or expect them in the future.

I love the relationship I have but it is far different than a mono one. It has huge benefits with communication and openness that are often missing from monogamous relationships, but it also comes with huge anxieties and sense of instability that was never a part of my previous relationship.

If you are monogamous by nature (as opposed to by conditioning) I strongly suggest to explore a relationship that matches your natural tendencies first; just as I would recommend to your partner. Mono poly relationships are seldom easy and even more rarely successful if having peace of mind and stability (from a mono perspective) is part of how you define success as I do.

If you do choose to explore this further with your partner I also strongly suggest you do not engage in any official marriage arrangement or heavy housing/financial entanglement until after a very long period of consideration and actual experience.

No one is right, no one is wrong when mono and poly fall in love. But each has to do what makes them happy in the long run and not just in the moment.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-04-2010 at 08:37 AM.
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