You're looking too far afield. They are part of this forum under the blogs and life stories section. I have one there too.
I didn't realise you have a family. That makes things quite different. You have much more reason to hold it together. AK (The blog of the Mono Wife) seems in a good space at the moment so she could give you both some motivation. I have my ups and downs and right now I'm on a bit of a downer so I'm probably not the right person for you to be talking to.
It seems like whichever one of you goes against what you naturally are (mono or poly) will have a hard road. Compromise does help ie I go with as much poly as I can stand and Z goes with as little. But then I have these down periods with the whole thing and he is probably always feeling a bit frustrated.
If he can work with you remaining poly get him to register here so that he will have some support. It is a very lonely thing for a mono because often no one in your life understands what you're going through.