Originally Posted by dragonflysky
He said he didn't mean or want for me to feel like a "secondary", but that things had been so hectic and that they were just more comfortable with one another and knew each other's ways.
dragonflysky, I relate to a lot of what you write. The dynamic is completely different coming into an already established relationship. While there are aspects with you and him (and you and her) that are so new, part of the relationship (him and her) is established.
I think you're doing well. You are asking to have a conversation about what you need to talk about. You're also understanding their time constraints and other commitments.
I'm very lucky with Nerdist because he makes such an effort without me even asking to accommodate me, to fit me in, make time in his busy schedule to talk to me or see me, and to fill me in on things that are going on. He hears me and genuinely wants to know how I'm doing. I never question how he feels.
I wonder how you and your guy can talk about what secondary/primary means to him. If you both seem to want to be primary with each other, what does that look like to you and what does it look like to him to have two primaries? Has he thought about how to balance his commitments in situations like this? When the relationship is less new, will there be a time when he can/will change plans when/if you really need him? Etc...
Heck I don't know what to think!!!!!????? This is so frickin confusing.
Yeah, it can be, eh?! I can only give you the same advice I've been giving myself. Take everything one day at a time and really check in with yourself regularly. I'm finding I need to ask myself regularly, "Is this something that feels uncomfortable because it's new? Or am I compromising myself?".