View Single Post
  #18  
Old 07-02-2010, 10:36 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Propast View Post
I feel monogamous... bigamous I guess, as in two
I suspect that if enough time goes by, y'all will need to start looking up some more numbers in Latin. What I mean is that I doubt that there is anything magical about the number 'two'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Propast View Post
I sometimes want to retaliate, force us back to mono, cut D out of our lives. "If I can't, you can't!" This feeling never survives me actually sitting down and talking to D: he's a human being not an enemy, he's a good friend that I want to KEEP in my life. But it's there, a nasty hurt-back feeling. Any thoughts on... smoothing this out in myself? ... how to ethically handle it if I can't live with him anymore?
Don't indulge this feeling. None of this is about D, he doesn't deserve to have his friend demand that his lover break his heart over her jealousy issues, and there's certainly nothing ethical about that idea.

Have you figured out what you want and need from your relationships? The only clear thing I get from your posts is that you dislike the idea of DADT so much that you weren't willing to abide by it. Some questions:
  • Do you have any reason to believe that if you do pursue things with C that your feelings for S won't change drastically?
  • Do you really want to be in poly- relationships, or is this something that you're doing because you unexpectedly found yourself in one?
  • If S is clearly never going to get to a place where she is comfortable with you having another partner, would you stay in a relationship with her?
  • Now that S has used that veto you gave her when it actually matters, do you still think that you want her to have a veto?
  • S is pretty clearly going through some major jealousy issues. What can you offer her that makes it worth the work? Does she understand what you get out of her having the relationship she has with D?

Y'know, something is going on with S that is leading her to react really badly; she shouldn't "panic" at the thought of you having a friend that you're romantically interested in, she shouldn't be thinking of any of your friends as "threats", and these conversations in general shouldn't be anywhere near this difficult. So what can you do that would make things feel safer for her? Perhaps D might have some insight, or could even serve as a mediator for the harder conversations.
Reply With Quote