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Old 07-29-2009, 08:04 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
I have this deeply ingrained sense that if your partner is sleeping with someone else, or even just being emotionally close, that means they don't love you and you are worthless.
I don't know how it is in other cultures, but here in the USA, this attitude is almost ubiquitous. Movies, television, love songs..., parents, friends, colleagues, churches..., everyone seems to be entirely convinced that for it to be true love it must be exclusive and dyadic []. (I like to provide dictionary definitions, sometimes, when I'm using infrequently used words.) So, naturally, it can be very challenging to come to understand that this particular myth about "true love" is entirely wrong, false... poppycock. That it is poppycock can, in fact, be a world-shaking realization. It may cause one to question many other basic or fundamental beliefs which are almost ubiquitously held. But that it is popycock isn't wild speculative opinion. It's a fact that this belief is simply untrue. Lots and lots of people experience intense, happy, healthy multiple loves life. That's a FACT.

And it's important to know and understand this fact, because in this matter of public opinion, the overwhelming majority are simply WRONG. And it's often, if not always, extremely challenging to go against the cultural current in significant ways. Ignorant people will misunderstand or even condemn you. It's unjust and unfair..., but if you keep mindful of the facts their ignorance needn't deter you in attuning your attitudes to what is real. And that's a journey, since you have acquired the popular -- but erroniously based -- assumption as an attitude. That is, you say that if your boyfriend also has other girlfriends, that it sometimes feels as if that must mean he loves you less than if he were exclusive with you.

But that would be insufficient evidence that he loves you less. He'd have to provide better evidence, as in the form of some real and concrete abuse or neglect, some truly unloving behavior. Exclusivity is no proof of love: only loving behaviour is proof of love.

Don't lose track of the facts as you take this journey of discovery about love.
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