I feel a similar way as you right now, that my reactions to my jealousy have served to drive my bf away. I fear that by me wanting to control our relationship and his relationships with other people, I cause these cycles of get jealous>freak out>argue with him and accuse him>feel guilty and powerless>apologize and get over it, only to have it happen again all over a week or two later. I feel like every time I do it, I have failed. I fail him, I fail myself.
It's not true, though. And you have not failed. You will only have failed if you give up!