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Old 06-30-2010, 10:08 PM
MyDemonsMyAngels MyDemonsMyAngels is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 17
Default Change is in the air....

Okay, I have a few key things that I need to talk about.
It's been awhile since I have been on this sight....I needed to take a break for a little bit and try and figure myself out...ya know...
Which has brought on a whole new variety of feelings and emotions. So here is the thing...I WANT to accept my boyfriends need to be poly because I WANT to be okay with it...and a huge part of me wants to be with him. So I made the decision to let go of a boundary and be okay with him talking to #2 on the phone ( read through my other posts and im sure you will understand). I thought that by doing this it would show him that i want to accept him and give him reassurance, ya know?
Here is the thing...since they have started speaking on the phone I have found myself less interested in him....? Is this normal? Like why try anymore since he has this other love interest...?
Then Im starting to toss around the idea of being poly myself....then I thought to myself would i be looking for another partner because i am not getting all that i need from my primary...and the answer to that question is yes. So I quickly said well that isnt the right way to do things....
Is this normal...I am so confused I want to be with him...and then at the same time i is like im numb and dont really care anymore....and if Im with someone shouldnt I care if they are with another person that isnt me....? What does it mean if I dont care? Does that mean I dont care about him? What does it mean...when Im not around him and I kind of forget about him and this whole thing....? I am starting to loose feeling for him...and Im not sure if its a phase or if its because of the whole poly thing....or both.... i have no clue...Im so lost...i cannot say anything for sure because I have no idea who the heck I am....
also i feel as if now that he is talking to her there is a whole other part of him that i am not involved a whole other life...and i do not like that at all....
help....guidance.... support....
"Ultimately we know deeply that on the other side of every fear lies freedom"
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