Thread: Touch
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Old 06-30-2010, 09:35 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Again, thanks for all the replies. I don't have any particular hang ups with this one. I just find it interesting in the context of poly relationships.

I have a very touchy nature. When I met LR and Maca from the forum this spring the first thing I did was run into maca's arms and then LR's (I hope they were okay with that). I wear my heart on my sleeve always. I can't help it. I am an open book. I love to give of myself in physical ways quite often. At work I always have in coming hugs and kisses from clients and love that kind of attention and giving in return (be rest assured the hugs are only given at work in return).

What I have noticed however is that I have a limit. I sometimes come home and am touched out. I find it hard to regain energy to give to my loves sometimes and often need to take some space. Sometimes they see that as my having an issue with something as touch is the first to go when I do. I become unable to touch someone I am struggling with.

I use touch as a gauge quite often in assessing where I am at with someone. I seem to struggle sometimes with Mono's apprehension about my touching others. I find I struggle with mono rules around touching quite often. I'm not sure if Mono's concerns are because he is mono or not?... Hmmm?...

The concern is things like cuddle parties or sitting too close to people that could have a crush on me. Its getting better, but has been a struggle. I don't even want to approach my longer than average hugs with my friend. I don't know what he thinks of that.

I guess I like to feel peoples energy. Feel their life force. I am super aware of stuff like that and crave it from those I am close to or want to be close to. I'm very intuitive. Its how I communicate and figure out stuff with them. It goes beyond words.

My tersiary is not a toucher, he gives me hugs when I ask but whinces and is awkward. One of the reasons we could never be more than intimate friends is for this reason. I don't know how to read that or what to do with it. I find half of my ability to communcucate is gone.

Derby and I touch often. Just a hand on the arm, I move her hair away from her eye, a quick hug or kiss. She seems to be like me in a lot of ways around touch. Just these simple gestures make a huge difference to feeling like we are okay and connected. I wonder what she thinks when we are all together and I am touching all my loves? I know its weird for me to see her touched by others.

Nerdist and I don't communicate often through touch. He is more of a starer. He will stare at me for long periods of time in order to figure out what is going on for me. Visual touch. The thing with that is that I get annoyed and he reads that as annoyed about stuff I'm not annoyed with. I'm annoyed that he is staring.

I suspect when he sees Mono and I lovin each other up he gets jealous sometimes. I am far more affectionate with Mono than nerdist. I don't remember being overly affectionate with nerdist since we had a child that globbed on to me from the moment I birthed him. I think its so important for primary relationships to keep on top of touching. Its so easy to go into "married mode" and forget to slow down and spend a moment with one another without talking about kid stuff, scheduling and what's for dinner. Guilty as charged with that one. We do a lot of bed cuddling and joking around though. That's something I suppose.
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