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Old 06-30-2010, 07:32 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by wiwomanhere View Post
I, to this day will just text my husband to tell him I love him. Call him his bad sexy self. Leaving a note under his pillow before a trip is not uncommon. For him to offer an unsolicited "I love you" hand holding, or even much of a response when I initiate, is unheard of. Ok maybe the response a little but no unsolicited affections. It is very...lonely.
I assume you have told him this and he still makes no effort? Thats unfortunate and unhealthy. Even if he feels no need to receive this kind of attention you obviously so. Thats going to continue to hurt. Especially considering he showers the other woman with the attention you crave.

hubby learned about it from spying on me (again...a form of rape if you ask me). He talked to me and basically said it was OK.
Sorry he spied on you and he told you it was ok :S...ummmm no...its not ok. Spying is not ok. In my opinion. Its right up there with ultimatums. If he can't trust you to be honest and you can't trust him with your information, that is a fundamental breakdown in how a relationship works.

It was good to see me happy again. he would deal with it. Gradually this moved to physical encounters.He started a relationship with a single woman. My intention was to only see married men (please don't flame me, it is just safer that theory). I just wanted the TLC and such that I was missing. He has become very involved wiht this woman, sleepovers twice a month, saw her on Father's day and his birthday. I feel like, from my perspective it is too much. That is from my current way of thinking. Now I am wondering if I just need a paradigm shift. Do I jsut need to let him fall in love wiht another woman and trust that he wont leave? do I need to do the same?
Honestly, if you really want to remain together you need to look at your own relationship first. Its unhealthy, untrusting and it doesn't sound like either of you have laid all your cards on the table.

I would ask yourselves some honest questions
* why do either of you want to be poly.
* why or how can he be loving and caring with someone else and not you
* friendship is fine and dandy...but being partnered with something is more than just friendship. Being in love...and loving someone are two different things.

Originally Posted by RedPepper
Why you didn't leave years ago I don't know. I hear you say he is your best friend. He could of been out side of a loving relationship.

You've created a mess my friend and so has he. I don't know if you can fix it. There is so much for you to learn it seems and I can only suggest that you stop playing the victim and get moving on quality of life. Learn how to communicate properly, get yourself a place, a job, a life of your own. And be on your own and get your life back together. Skip relationships and poly. You are no where near ready in my opinion. You don't have a relationship with your primary! Yourself! And your kids need you. You have a lot to do. I know I sound harsh, but get on it... You will be glad you did.
I can't say I disagree with this. If...and this is a big if, you want to keep this relationship together you have a huge uphill battle to fight.
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