Originally Posted by River
Maybe it all roots in my childhood -- when I was the proverbial Boy Never Chosen for obligatory schoolyard ball play. That sort of thing. I was a mess, then. Trodden down at home and on the school yard. A bedwetter, a scrawny scardycat boy who made up stories about pirate treasure to try to win friends. I used to have a beadspread with football helmets on it even though I neither understood nor cared for football. I'd do anything to win the acceptance and appreciation -- the love -- that was so foreign and strange to my longing heart.
It probably does have roots in childhood. I was an introvert for a long while. There was a time in my childhood where the only safe course of action was to not get noticed. If I got noticed, it generally resulted in abuse. That resulted in years of working to not get noticed in any situation in which I was unsure of how I might be viewed.
It took many years of adulthood before I figured I was safe if I got noticed. Now I can play inside my head or outside with others as I please.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.