Wow, I'm glad some people get this and can empathize. I do not at all. To me you have wasted your time entirely and wasted your life. Not to mention the messages you are sending your children, and don't think they don't notice the bullshit that has been going on in your house. You and your husband have taught them that they are not worth loving in their entirety in my opinion. For the whole beings that they are. They have been taught that its okay to just kinda love others and expect the same.
Why you didn't leave years ago I don't know. I hear you say he is your best friend. He could of been out side of a loving relationship.
You've created a mess my friend and so has he. I don't know if you can fix it. There is so much for you to learn it seems and I can only suggest that you stop playing the victim and get moving on quality of life. Learn how to communicate properly, get yourself a place, a job, a life of your own. And be on your own and get your life back together. Skip relationships and poly. You are no where near ready in my opinion. You don't have a relationship with your primary! Yourself! And your kids need you. You have a lot to do. I know I sound harsh, but get on it... You will be glad you did.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM