lol...nice, rp. i totally love that kind of stuff! and actually, cue and L are pretty good at it. and i try to be good at it too...although i'm laid back, so my stuff is usually limited to super simple stuff or just a simple statement of my current mood/mode: "a hug/kiss/cuddle would be very helpful to me right now" or "i'm feeling overwhelmed, so could you take care of laundry today" or "i'm PMSing/tired/sick, so if i seem snarky/quiet/moody, please don't take it personally, i'm not upset with you".
when this all started and i first recognized that perm had this "stuffing" tendency, i suggested a code word or even some non verbal signals that we needed a check-in so he didn't feel like he needed to talk about exactly what he was feeling RIGHT THEN. i told him that i would be fine hearing "i need some extra time/energy/sex/space/whatever right now...i'm not sure why, but i'm working on it and we can talk about it as we go along". but...nada.
and what's frustrating is that he thinks his eventual meltdown/blowup IS the feedback...or should be enough feedback to get me what i need. but i feel like things are fine and fine and fine and fine (despite my efforts at checking-in) for weeks, and then BOOM, i get this huge, angry, tangled mess of shit i've been doing wrong...instead of giving me nice little breadcrumbs of things to do right on a daily basis.
it's almost like on a daily basis, he wants so much to value my freedom and ability to do what i want, that his default is to just clam up and say "go have fun" anytime i ask about plans...but my tendency to "go have fun" eventually builds up so much in his head and he starts thinking that going out and having fun is all i WANT to do and i don't WANT to spend time with him. when i DO (or at least did), but he has to make plans, he has to ask me, he has to want it too. and wow, i'm thinking about it now and i actually told him that in like, december of last year and his response was that he shouldn't have to "compete" against cue for my time, he shouldn't have to make plans just to have me around. omg...i totally forgot about that until now. i told him he didn't have to make plans, he just had to say "i want to be with you tonight", and it went back to the "i shouldn't have to ask for that" thing.