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Old 06-28-2010, 06:27 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,645

Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26 View Post
he truly feels like if i REALLY love him, i should anticipate what he needs and he shouldn't have to spell it out for me. so yeah...frustrating.
In my relationships I tell my partners what I want to hear and what I am feeling and thinking at every turn as soon as I know for myself and it is appropriate. There is never an bit of info left out for long. If I need to hear something or I need them to do something in order to maintain my comfort I tell them. I'm talking down to ever detail.... they have learned so much about me from this. I also don't expect that they will. They know it's a request... quite often they are relieved that I have relieved them of the burden of guessing what is going on for me.

Some examples are that I will say, "I need you to tell me I look good in this dress, because I love this dress and feel rather fat and ugly today and need to know that I look okay." Or I will say, "I need for you to just give me a hug and not try and pry out of me why I am quiet and emotional right now. I don't want to talk about it until I wrap my head around it and I will let you know when I am ready to talk." Or, and this one comes up often for me and nerdist, "please stop asking me if I am okay. I am fine, I will tell you when I am not fine. I need for you to stop asking me that because it is making me frustrated and you seem to be reading my frustration as my not being fine. I need for you to trust me and assume that I am fine until I say otherwise." Oh, a biggy "could someone offer me a drink (or whatever added in here)? I just would like to be treated like a guest right now instead of a mummy, could someone offer me something so I feel like I am not always the care giver? thanks... that would be awesome..." (I suspect those that know me might be laughing as they read this as I actually do talk like this... I know some people can't deal with it... meh *shrug* too bad for them, I am what I am,,,, and it works with those I am with)

It isn't okay that anyone assume or presume anything at any time in relationships or otherwise I don't think. It just sounds whiny to me. No one is a mind reader. I check as often as I can and welcome others to do the same. It just makes everything far more clear and takes away half the battle of communicating effectively.
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