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Old 06-26-2010, 09:47 PM
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Endicott Endicott is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 18
Default Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Poly dating is fun! I haven’t dated in 30 yrs as a "single" man (Pru and I were always a couple...a package deal) and it has been an illuminating experience.

Dating as a poly, to me, is difficult.

Monog women are scared of the idea as it smacks, in their mind, of infidelity. Many can’t conceive of an open loving relationship and find it too difficult to comprehend. Some confuse it with swinging (understandable, as there are common points). Others like the idea, but have to travel the path of awakening and while I am more than willing to help, it takes time for them to come to their own realization.

Finding poly women is difficult: it’s not like they wear a special necklace (though there is a good idea for monetization).

On the other hand, like sales I suppose, it’s all about finding someone who wants to hear your pitch with an open mind; this is really no different. It’s all about being in the right places.

The first “right place” I tried was on OKCupid: I was told that it is poly friendly, and to a large degree, that is true. I wrote what I think is a great profile and have some passable traffic. The best measure of success is that I have “met” (telephone, chat, email) two wonderful women who make my heart (and other things) race. I’ll meet one in a few weeks face to face: the other is much further away and likely won’t see her until August, given calendar.

But we talk daily; they both add so much to my life. And I am having a blast: I have discovered so much about me that I did not know, both things that make me proud, and things I need to work on, to be a better man, a better lover, a better partner.

One downside however, is the absence of courtesy.

There are trolls, people (not just men) who seem to get joy from venomous profile posts and emails. What is the motivation? Where is the fun in this?

The vast majority of women do not respond to an email when a fellow indicates interest. The claim is that “they are too busy” or that they are “afraid of an ugly response from the fellow”. I wont accept the “no time to write a thank you” – that’s just bad manners. I will accept a fear from getting a nasty-gram from a troll, but only partly. To act like that gives in to the trolls behavior and by default, makes the action acceptable.

Next items: local meetups and poly friendly venue’s (yeah Caliente!!!)

What works for you?
Endicott Smith

"Be gentle with each person you meet, for each of them is fighting a great battle.
St. Ephrem the Syrian b.306AD - d.373AD

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