Soooooooo....it sounds to me like your bottom line is can you continue receiving all the benefits of being in "Recovery" (from unhealthy relationships, etc.) while still "using", e.g. remaining... dabbling...playing in an unhealthy relationship(s)? In Addiction terminology...can you "pick up" and "use" whenever it's more fun and convenient and then get back into Recovery behaviors (Healthy relationship behaviors, in your case) as it suits you??????
Let's say I'm a Recovering Alcoholic. What would my odds be of staying in Recovery if I decided to not drink on certain occassions with certain people but then decided it was ok to pick-up and drink on other occassions with other people??? " An example......."It's my class/family reunion and it only happens a few times in life, and besides why should I have to miss out on all the fun everyone else is having when they drink? One or two drinks won't hurt. I can handle it just this once.....etc."
Weareone, I think you're straddling the fence on this one. Either you work a program of Recovery or you don't. It doesn't mean it's going to be a perfect Recovery, but from where I stand you're already engaging in Relapse behaviors by trying to rationalize, justify, intellectualize, etc., having a relationship of any kind with the one unhealthy man you've mentioned. You're already planning your next opportunity to relapse into unhealthy relationship behaviors.
How about letting go of the one unhealthy relationship regardless of whether or not your "new" healthier relationship develops into something more serious?? I think that not having a "back-up" relationship probably triggers some of the "abandoment" issues you mentioned earlier in this post. If your intent is to truly heal and be in a healthy relationship(s) you can't hang on to an unhealthy relationship(s), poly or mono.
Last edited by dragonflysky; 06-26-2010 at 09:48 PM.