in response to HUSH's original messgae:
I used to be addicted to porn, until I read this book, and applied it to my life. OPEN TO BLISS by Omid mankoo. his blog http://sagehope.wordpress.com
With no exaggeration, it explained sexual attraction and sexual addiction, and showed how mymind works and how to set myself free.
So the knowledge I am sharing with you is based on knowing and experiencing. Now I simply cannot be seduced.
Your husband was tantalized by porn. his thouhts of you being with other men, mentally tantalized him. He might have had and continue to have sexual relationships with others, though you do not know about it. even though you may swear that he deos not. the fact of the matter is that you do not know for sure. all those years of being away he might have gotten involved with many sexual situations. and maybe not. however the case remains that he was mentally tantalized. this tantalization is a symptom of intigue, a mind intrigue. the mind is intrigue by unusualness of situations, persons, love and sex, etc.
People mistake this unusual rushing feeling, and mental intrigue for love and sexual excitement. however sexual excitement need not be always accompanied by the mental intigue that we so often mistakenly attribute to sexual excitement. this is true of love also. the mental intrigue we first feel when we are in love or close to possibly being in love is tantalizing to the brain. it is ususally there, becausae we are young when we feel these things, and things are new to us.
The natural relating of man and woman to get to honestly know each other, to honestly know of each other's feelings, and to grow genuinely close together and to love each other and then to express that genuine love by every means possible even by means of sex, is truly pheniomeal, it far superceeds the excitement that we mistakenly attribute to feeling alive and aware. however it is true that we are very much alive and aware when we are interacting with someone new, or someone whom we should not be interacting with, because it mentally intrigues us. this is a mind trick.
truthfully we ought to be live and aware at every moment of our lives, even in marriage. sadly people lose this awareness, and look at marriage as just another day, and so it becomes the norm, and loses its excitement that we so mistakenly attribute to attraction.
So it was your husband's liek of tantalizatuion which allowed for you to have some of what he cmistakenly considered bwing alove and living with excitement. in a way he was being generous to you. however he was mistaken. as far as love: one can love whomever that one open's one's mind and heart to. it is a matter of willingness.
try to clear up your confusion by understanding this love of all concept. as you know already the reason why people stick to one partner is multifold, one reason being deseases. So have that in mind.