I hope this becomes a constructive way forward.
Nobody here can stand in your place and truly feel what you're feeling, man, but many of us have had our own traumas. So while we do not know, we can sympathize.
Good on you for getting a counselor, or perhaps it will be one for each of you. They're not miracle-workers; to me they're more like a wise friend with a very wide understanding of human experience. A big help.
I hope you and Matilda can give each other plenty of breathing room while still co-parenting and all. The best of luck to both of you!