So, last guy is out of the picture, he never contacted me and I'm ok with that. Now on to the new stuff...
So I don't know if I mentioned anywhere (I can't find any posts) about one of the other guys that I started talking to through OKC. He had IM'd me after doing a search and started asking me about being pregnant. I thought it was kinda funny and so after a few more questions I basically asked if he had a pregnancy fetish and that if he did, it was ok but just be honest about it. I think I shocked him. He admitted to it and apologized about not coming out about it right away because normally when he says anything to other preg gals, they freak out.
We started having conversations every day or two, nothing serious just chatting about this and that although he'd ask the same couple of questions each time and I admit it was getting a little disappointing. Then one day I came online and when he said hi I stated some of the problems I was having that day and he basically said, oh that sucks... whatcha wearing? (one of those questions) I ended the conversation, kinda avoided him for a couple days and when he found me again I told him what was up. He apologized and we had our FIRST normal, non sexual/fetish-like conversation. It was kinda refreshing.
We've now been talking for about 2.5 months, bouncing between totally platonic conversations and flirting. We live over 1000 miles apart and he's not really interested in getting involved in a poly relationship but he likes me as a person, probably cause he finds the honesty refreshing, and he's attracted to me (even without the baby belly).
Within the last week or so he's had some romance issues and we had talked about them and I think really bonded platonically. But we've also started getting more intense in the flirting too, not cybering mind you, but definitely suggestive and arousing for both of us. I let him have my cell number and we texted for a few days and then I finally said he could call. Dang, what a voice! lol If a person could fall just from a voice, I'd be head over heels. But that's what seems strange to me. I even relented and sent him a couple pics (nothing x rated mind you, maybe pg-13 though) including one that Cajun took and "approved" of himself.
We've talked about meeting in person, he'd take a trip out here as his best friend lives out here as well, and we'd get together. And by getting together we both think and feel that certain things would happen, and we both want them to happen. The strange part is that I have no clue how I really feel about him. He's a really sweet guy, a total ladies man in a good way, cute in a cuddly sweet kind of way, and I've mentioned his voice.
I can definitely see us as friends for a long long time, but being sexually intimate while having no real romantic feelings for him?
This is one of the things that I've been pondering lately, bed rest gives one lots of time to do nothing after all. This question came up for me with the last guy and has come to the forefront again with ... hmm, a name for him. I'll come up with something later ... this one.
I have had one sexual relationship before where I knew there would be no real future and there were definitely no romantic feelings, so I know that it is within me. But that was also shortly after a really bad breakup and I think it was more about feeling desired then anything else. I honestly don't think that being sexually intimate with this guy will "cause" me to fall for him, I'm not really even getting the normal NRE feelings, at least nothing on the scale of a real romantic attachment.
The one lucky thing about all this is that I do have time to figure out how I really feel and what I might be comfortable with (and Cajun too, not meaning to leave him out of this in any way). He wouldn't be able to come visit for 6 months or more and alot can happen in that time, including he could get a real girlfriend in which case he would not be able to do anything other than hangout with me, and I wouldn't do anything with him unless I had her ok anyways.
I think what seems to be bothering me most though, is that I could love him as a friend and normally I think that I would, but something seems to be holding me back. I don't get any negative feelings about him, I'm not worried that he'll stop talking to me next week after the baby is born and I'm not pregnant any more. But I definitely feel like there is something keeping me from feeling more than simple friendship...which for me is very strange considering how much and what we've talked about (non sexually speaking). He says that he loves me as a friend and that he feels a special bond between us, he even texted me after my apt. yesterday to make sure I was ok, and I'm here plucking at the strings of our relationship trying to find those strands he's speaking of to see how I feel, yet coming up strangely silent. Just a bit confused right now but at least it's not a roller coaster confusion again.
Ok, this was another one of my long info dump postings apparently. lol A bit less dramatic than usual and I'm not sure if it's been helpful to me yet or not. Ah well. Another week and my brain will be filled with feeding, sleeping and new baby.