Originally Posted by YGirl
I'm a little curious as to why you think being in a polyamorous "vee" will make it easier as opposed to more difficult. If you have "tried and tried" and can't seem to make it work, maybe you two are better off just staying friends. Increasing the number of people in any dynamic makes things MORE complicated, and if you can't get it to work with each person on a one-to-one basis, you won't be any more successful when everyone is in the boat together. It's one thing to say that the two ladies might not be able to work together, but you yourself have just admitted that you can't seem to get it right with one of them, despite repeated attempts. Perhaps that's the universe's way of telling you that you are not meant for each other.
That might be where my thinking is wrong on this. I know Poly is not a fix for problems.
For lack of a better phrase me and my ex brought out the "worst" in each other. We never had big fights over stuff, which I know some people say is not good. For me I just always felt like there was a little something missing. For me, and from what she says, things were never bad, they were just kinda stuck.
I am an active person and like to do stuff. We always talked about doing things, but never did them. I am semi lazy and great at procrastinating and when me and the ex were together it was even worse cause she is similar in that way. My GF motivates me great and we do all kinds of things. That is one of the things me and the ex talked about and said we would change more then once and it never did.
I think my ex was worried that she would lose me if she "pushed" me to things when a little pushing is what I need. I know she always just kinda went with the flow because of that. Yet we ended up apart. I know we did some of our best talking when things were ended each time, when there was nothing to lose. Again still did not change things.
The times that I broke up with my ex it would take a couple weeks to a month before I had myself back to myself and was wondering why I didnt just stay with the ex. So we would talk about what went wrong and how it was going to be different. The last time was even with a counselor for about 6 months. Still things didnt change.
While I have let the ex go I do miss her and I want more then just friendship with her. The intimacy we shared was NEVER a problem. It never needed work. No matter what happened during the day sitting on the couch together late at night or crawling into bed for the evening made everything else go away. I am not just talking about sex. As I said I had to see her the other day for about 4hrs in a social setting (my GF was not there) and I wanted nothing more then to just touch her, hold her hand, be close to her, find out more about what she has been up to, share my fun things with her, ect.
So my thought is that having both of these girls plus me will bring out the best of all of us and help things grow. If I am understanding V/vee correctly that is where one person (me in this case) has relationships with 2 people (in this case 2 women) that dont really interact. That is not what I would want in the long term, but might be a point to start. In the long term I would want them to be close and all 3 of us have a life together. This might be a twisted way of looking at it but it is how I feel right now so I am trying to learn more. My ex use to send me all kinds of relationship links with info to read. None of it really seemed to fit me. When I found a Poly FAQ many of the things in there made me go "that sounds a lot like me" so I want to learn.
As another thought I have heard it said that the 2 girls should meet and see what happens. While I totally agree how do you say to your GF "hey you should meet my ex"?
I think they would get along. My sister knows both of them, but my ex better, and was going to ask her is she thought they could be friends. I know it takes more then that to make stuff like this work, but you have to start somewhere.