I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time. Self esteem is such a hard thing to work on and it does come from what we were told as children. I think people of our age tend to find that we have to process these things that we've been carrying. I wish I had an answer for you. All that I do know if that if you let go of your hold on someone and trust that they do love you more often than not they will surprise you and be there more fully for you than if you tried to keep a hold of them. (this has been a fairly recent discovery for me). One day at a time, one issue at a time, it's all any of us can do.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.