Originally Posted by jkelly
I don't know that it needs to be a three-way conversation, though, but I'm not sure if that was what YGirl was suggesting. I will say that if I was the girlfriend, I'd find a "no bed" rule pretty strange, but, you know, people are often pretty strange.
I realize it could have come across as though I was suggesting a 3-way "meeting"... Of course, they could do that if they wanted to.
Originally Posted by redpepper
I have been with Mono for over a year and a half and the only time he has slept in our bed is if invited by me and Nerdist. we have a boundary about anyone other than us sleeping in our bed. We had a lot of history together in that bed and while it is just a piece of furniture, that history needs respecting in our minds. When I have a room of my own then I will create my own history
The bottom line is that it should be discussed with the wife and then with the girlfriend. If it needs to be all three then so be it.
End of story. Why it would become an issue is beyond me, I would have a hard time with anyone who thinks that they are not good enough because they aren't allowed to sleep in my marriage bed... red flag, what next? Would she get pissed off because you have to end a date early because you child needs you? If this is a real concern, perhaps the poly you are achieving is different than hers.
I was thinking that he should ALSO ask the girlfriend if SHE feels comfortable sleeping in the "marriage-bed" (if the Wife says "OK"). If someone thought of and referred to their bed as the "marriage-bed", then that to me suggests that it is their own sacred, private place. If I were the girlfriend, I'm not too sure I'd be comfortable fucking someone in their sacred, private place that they share with someone else... But that's just me.
OTOH, I wouldn't be too crazy about getting a hotel room, either. Don't you folks have another bed in the house you can use, or perhaps invest in a futon or air mattress for use as your "marriage-bed" with the girlfriend? (not redpepper, the OP)
Although, perhaps if you TALK ABOUT IT, you will find that neither of the ladies have a problem with it. They might ask you to change the sheets though. I think that's fair.