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Old 06-24-2010, 03:31 AM
wench wench is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 14

good luck, not sure if this will help but sounds similar... i recently came out to my husband. my mistake was that it took finding i had feelings for someone else, and not wanting to just let the chance to explore those feelings slip away, and that i talked a little with my friend first before my husband (at the time i was afraid to tell him as he got violently upset over little things, so how was this going to turn out??? but i can't keep things in so told him within a week, luckily the day planned was a day after he switched from violence to letting go...)
he was open at first, i had read a lot and presented it to him in a way he would listen to, but felt we needed to work on us first, which i agreed with, and the friendship with the other guy was kept at just friendship (long distance so just texts and a few online messages). however, my husband became increasingly jealous - when i told him what was texted he (later told me) thought i was just cleaning it up for him, and didn't ask for more because he 'didn't want to know the gory details'; even though there were none there, he was picturing them there and not asking. at the beginning my friend said (and regretted saying later) that he would drop off the face of the earth so to speak, and my hubby just asked him to do just that, and was surprised my friend had the honor to do just that. so now i have had a supporting friendship cut off in a way that felt controlling. we have worked on our relationship a lot, some with counseling but a lot outside of it, and he has issues of his own to work through... i am only "okay" with this because the jealousy was getting in the way of fixing the other issues, and i hope when things are stronger between us i can resume the long time friendship... just feel lonely now, had grown accustomed to good mornings and support with both my hubby's anger issues and my medical issues...
on the plus side our communication has vastly approved, which is one of the things i used in coming out, because good communication is the most important thing not just in any relationship but if you are bringing more people in
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