I guess that's what my problem is - I'm finding the type of person who is telling me that they could be poly or at least poly-compatible and then turning around as things get truly serious and rescinding that. I feel it is really unfair to me for them to change their minds and I don't know how to cope with it since all times that the mono-only thing has been declared by a partner of mine, I'm already in a relationship with them and have been for some time. It kills me to just break it off when they announce they can't be poly-compatible, especially since often by that time I've gotten quite attached.
I guess what I really need to know, is what specific questions should I be asking to make sure they really mean it when they say they can be poly-compatible? Outside of determining if they've had experience being poly before, how can I tell if someone is seriously interested in being poly or poly-compatible?
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
I have no problems with folks who only want a single relationship to deal with themselves and think they could have a place in a poly tangle. It's when they expect a partner to also only have a single relationship that they remove themselves from poly-compatible. I don't consider anybody who's not poly-compatible or outright poly to be a potential partner, much the same as I don't consider lesbians to be potential partners. They might be wonderful, attractive people--they just aren't for me and I don't lose sleep over it.