Originally Posted by redpepper
I think you owe her an apology about wanting to watch. You added to her trauma with that one. The woman is obviously damaged and needs help if you ask me. That doesn't mean you fix it. She does! With your support if you are able.
I think so too.
The whole point of porn is for objectifying the participants for the purpose of getting the watcher's rocks off. Telling your wife you want to make her an object in your fantasy takes away all the love in that interaction.
I believe you when you say you sincerely thought it would help, but I think you said it without realizing the implications.
How would you feel if someone said to you, "I want to use you as a sex object" ? And if she's been abused, then it becomes "I want to use you as a sex object because I think it's what you want and deserve" which perpetuates the abusive cycle.