Thanks, both of you. Ian and I did talk last night, and it helped a lot. I requested having a couple of long dates with just him in the near future, so we're going to plan those.
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
It sounds really stressful taking on so much responsibility for how his and her relationship works out. When you say "come around", it sounds like them being together is inevitable. But they may not work out, and it may have nothing to do with you. If she's just not cut out for poly, then nothing you or your boyfriend do will change that. Try not to feel responsible for that, it's not your burden!
You're dead right, and in the course of talking it came out that one of the big things that set me off is how much responsibility I've been taking. It's hard for me to give it up; I'm always the helper, the counselor, the one who has it together and helps everybody else be happy and healthy... that's just the role I comfortably take in relationships. Stepping back and saying, "Right now I need you
to take care of me
" is really scary. But we both know that's what I need to do for a little while. I had to get reassurance for him that he's not going to resent or blame me if my acknowledging my needs scares her off.