Well said all of you, I agree, not poly... I see no love on either side here. No love anywhere to be found. Just a whole lot of deceit and fucking.
There was someone on this forum that had a wife in a similar situation. He agreed to once a month her going out and meeting guys she met on line and fucking them. I think she had one night a month to do that... or was it picking up at bars that tickled her fancy... can't remember. Anyway, perhaps this is what would work better for her.
It sounds like swinging might work, although I doubt it.... I would really be looking at the deep rooted cause for the answer.
I agree, putting your agenda on it isn't going to work. It just sounds like you are using her and her sexuality to get out of the situation what you want and not what is best for her. I can understand that you are hurt, but this is just getting back at her it sounds like to me.
If you ask me there is some deep rooted cause for all this that isn't being addressed. What has gone on in her life that she is doing this? She seems to be an NRE thrill seeker, or an cheating junky.... Why? these are the things that need to be addressed rather than using her to get your rocks off.
I would leave her to figure it out for herself and encourage her to work it out herself with an appropriate councilor. I think you being in her life is not helping. This is for her to figure out. It could very well be that she is monogamous as she says, but is crying out for help in over coming this entrenched behaviour she has gotten herself into.
In my opinion I would take the kids and move on for good. Maybe one day she will have a turn around and you can be together in a healthy way, but for now you have kids and yourself to think about that need some kind of proper example of what a healthy relationship is. Kids know that stuff is going down, they hear you talking and the body language you have with each other. Look after them if not yourself and create a healthy situation to bring them up.
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