Thanks for all the help guys <3 I really appreciate it.
I've been having a few phone conversations recently in which I made it clear that I would explain in my own way, in my own time. Since I've calmed down considerably, today I felt calm and level-headed enough to reply. So I wrote an email today and sent it.
I worked together with my partners and some poly friends to write something that purports to be an explanation - but actually gives very little information beyond "We're happy and we know what we're doing".
I haven't gone into the actual form of my relationships (other than to say that H has an eye on a cute boy :P ), the history of my relationships, the boundaries of my relationships, anything to do with sex or sexual health or anything else I don't want my mother to know (like the sexual orientations of my partners for example).
This is what we wrote:
The really important stuff you need to know about my relationships:
• I’m happy.
• My partners are happy.
• Nobody is being hurt.
Other stuff you probably want to know about my relationships:
• We know what we’re doing. We talk to each other about our feelings, our hopes, fears and dreams. We discuss what it means to each of us to be in the relationships we’re in and talk in depth about what we need and want in a relationship and what we need and want in the relationships we’re in.
• Nobody is “cheating” or “being unfaithful” to anyone else because we all discussed and agreed on as couples what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour in our couple. Our relationships are built on trust, honesty, good communication and, of course, love – just like any good relationships.
• I’m perfectly happy for any of my partners to have other partners if they so wish and we have agreed how to arrange this when we need to.
• ALL of my partners, including H, agreed to be non-monogamous before starting a relationship with me. H and I discussed the idea of being exclusive to each other and neither of us wanted to be or saw why we should be.
• None of my partners is jealous of the others and not one wants to keep me to themself. They are all happy with the situation and know that they can tell me or one of the other partners the second they are uncomfortable and that we’ll all work together to make sure they are happy.
• H and I intend to marry. C and E are very happy to be invited to the wedding. If H catches the cute boy H is after, I’m sure he’ll still be happy to attend too.
• We don’t know why we don’t love only one romantic partner at once – but since we do love many people in that way, we don’t see why we should stick with just one.
• Having said that, I don’t date or form relationships with everyone I fall for. There are many people I love who I choose not to form romantic relationships with because they’d be incompatible in some way. With some people I just stick with very casual flirting that is mutually understood to be going nowhere. Some people I just silently admire. I told you about H, C and E because my relationships with them are serious, long-term, committed relationships.
This goes into absolutely no detail as to how each of my relationships works
as that is information only pertinent to myself and my partners. My Mum doesn't need to know how often I see my girlfriends and I won't necessarily feel the need to tell her if H ever does get that boy they're after :P