Yet, here I am...
Following on from my tentative 'introduction' about not wanting to be here (and believe me, I don't!) I realise that I'm inclined to just...heartspill, and I think that might help the situation.
To give a synposis, the saga that is now playing out can be summarised as
Fairytale-Princess-Wannabe married very young to a man who swore he was her One-True-Love and Knight-in-Shining-Armour. After a decade and a half of heartbreak, lying, deceit, manipulation, emotional and psychological abuse, control issues, mindgames, etc. from him, he turned around one day and announced the root of all his behaviour was that he's "poly".
I love my husband. I want him to be happy. I know he is sorry for all the hurt he's inflicted on me, and I don't want to be The Poor Victim in this, so I'm taking on the responsibility of verbalising my confusion and my frustration in the hope that I can work through this, and maybe if I can get through it, learn, grow, be more whole and full and happy as a result of this change and learning process...it will be a good thing to take from the mess my marriage has made of me.
Right now, I'm upset, and I feel betrayed and confused.
Right now, I need to figure out who I am.
I want to be able to 'support' my husband, I want to be a friend to him and someone to lean on, but right now I don't know who 'me' is.