Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Even if you were to breakup with cue, these kinds of issues are detrimental to a relationship and will find other venues to rear their ugly heads.
this is my real fear...this is the core of what terrifies me. i have dated other people (not as seriously) that perm has had "issues" with, and he's pulled this same kind of shit-talking about the other guys too. and in the past i indulged him, heard him out, respected his fears and what he was working through, and broken off those relationships. again, they weren't as serious, so it wasn't a huge issue, but the fact that it's coming up AGAIN (with someone who is experienced in poly and mature and has really been good for me!) is really disheartening.
and it's most frustrating because i've told him from the beginning that it's OK if he's not poly or if he has certain limits or anything like that...because if i know that BEFOREHAND, i can limit who i see and the extent to which i integrate them into my life. but he's always insisted that he really is poly and really is ok with whatever i want...he just has some things to work through. and i've really put a lot of trust in his ability to talk to me about this stuff he's working through and that has been just absolutely destroyed. because not only has he not talked to me, but he's let the things he's trying to work through simmer and become destructive.
i'm really just miserable. i love this man so much and i really want to help him work through this, but at what point do i decide that it's too much for me to handle? like i said, my catholic upbringing is telling me to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice...i am TERRIFIED of "failing" at marriage (not least of all because my family would just be devastated). but my logical, independent streak is just RAILING against it. =/