Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26
so anyway, that's where i sit. we've been living in limbo since then, because i think we're both scared to make the next move. he's told me that i need to go back to counseling, but i dunno man...like i said, i feel like all my shit is on the table. if anyone goes back, i think it should either be as a couple or him solo, so he can sort out his real needs.
I think you're right. If this marriage can be saved, it's going to need couple's counselling as a bare minimum. It even sounds like you have a supportive and intelligent counselor.
You husband may not have liked the fact that the counselor seemed to take your side in calling his expectations unfair. Seems a lot of people who need counselling the most want it the least. They don't hear what they want to hear, which is that they need to change.
Ultimately, you're the only person who can make the tough decision he's laid out for you: him or poly. It's not really "him or cue" because it seems clear enough that your husband has issues extending far beyond poly. He needs to learn to communicate and share his feelings and fears. In essence, he needs to learn to trust you.
Even if you were to breakup with cue, these kinds of issues are detrimental to a relationship and will find other venues to rear their ugly heads. If he outright refuses to change and grow, then there's only one thing you can do.