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Old 06-22-2010, 08:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Irena View Post
Mostly, I just miss having him to myself on a regular basis. There have only been a couple of times since she moved in that he and I could be alone together, and even then we've spent a large part of our time talking over the relationship dynamic between the two of them (which is very up-and-down and dramatic.) I didn't mind this for a while -- one of the things I enjoy about polyamory is being up close and personal with love affairs that don't directly involve me -- but I'm beginning to feel starved for some quality "me" time.

Then, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I'd like her to come around and decide to officially date him, but she's so full of anxieties and insecurities that I'm constantly afraid of saying something that will push her away. I like her a lot, but I'm becoming exhausted with having to be so careful.
Have you told Ian how you're feeling? Request some one-on-one time to tell him what your needs and boundaries are? It sounds like you're doing great at dealing with the challenges of being in a poly relationship, and this situation has just pushed you to the edge. Three weeks is a long time for any visit! My mom has been visiting for a little over a week and I'm already pulling out my hair, and that's when I love her to death!

Having someone constantly in your space, having to go out just to get some time to yourself, it's rough.

Try also to consider how she's feeling, put out of her home, having to live with someone else when she just wants her own space. And thrown into the middle of a relationship that's still young enough to be finding its footing without the extra challenge of a live-in.

It sounds really stressful taking on so much responsibility for how his and her relationship works out. When you say "come around", it sounds like them being together is inevitable. But they may not work out, and it may have nothing to do with you. If she's just not cut out for poly, then nothing you or your boyfriend do will change that. Try not to feel responsible for that, it's not your burden!
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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