I think it would be best to meet her under your terms. For me, people become a huge threat when they are unknown. I build this huge picture of what they must be like; more intelligent, a better parent, a better lover etc. Really they are just as nervous and just as human as I, complete with things they need to work on and things they are good at.
Making sure that the situation is right for you is key! I can totally see why you would feel threatened by this woman and her roller derby team! What the hell? Lol, what made him think that wasn't threatening!?
Thanks for the paragraphs!