My Wife is Poly in Denial
My wife started having affairs behind my back 3 years ago. I know she had these patterns before I met her. When we met she assured me she was ready to settle down. The first couple of years of dating were amazing with us. We got married and the first couple of years of marriage also amazing. Eventually she started having affairs. She hid it well, I suspected something wasn't right but had blind trust.
I found out after a year by tricking her that she had an affair. Months later I uncovered 2 more previous affairs. We almost split up. She told me the problems in the marriage and I bent over backwards to accomodate her. It seemed like thing were great other than our fighting over her affairs. She had another affair.
We broke up. She started seeing her affair partner and lying about it while trying to get me back. I finally said no way I am coming back. I started a friendshuip with a woman and we didn't have sex but we were bonding and it was leading there. My wife begged me to come back. Eventually I ended my friendship. She dropped her affair partner and we got back together.
Through all of this we had both spoke to counselors but it didn't stop her. We were back together for about a year and a couple of months. We get into an argument and she kicks me out again. This was in March of this year. I suspect an affair. She later tells me there's a married guy in the neighborhood interested in her. He wouldn't leave his wife and it went nowhere. She begged me to take her back and I remained strong for a while but we started seeing each other.
Finally I get the truth from her. Which is obvious. I got her phone records. She was talking to him a week before she kicked me out. Started having sex with him 2 days later. Then decides she wants me back.
I have established the fact that my wife is Poly and can't control it or can only temporarily. No matter who it hurts me and our young kids. It's caused so much drama in our extended families and in the neghborhood she now lives in without me.
She's in counselling now and wants me back. I have a few women I am talking to online one I really like and wants to meet me asap.
I still love my wife but I can't live with her cheating, lying, replacing me and then running back to me.
I offer her this - I say monogamy doesn't work for her. I tell her we can put ads online, you can find someone you are attracted to we will meet the guy together she can do him I will watch. I am straight It will be like live porn for me. I will also get involved somewhat.
Also we will meet a couple every now and then and swing. That way I won't feel cheated or my position in my family won't be threatened if we set ground rules and do things honestly. She can live out her fantasies with me.
She says she is willing to do this but she really just wants to be monogamous. She is torn she wants to be monogamous but I know deep down inside she can't for very long. She also tells me that she would rather I just find an affair partner and not tell her instead of swapping. I know that if I did that she would be really hurt and things would be just as dramatic as when she does it.
She is objecting to doing a single guy in front of me too. She says through counselling and trying really hard that she wants to just be with me. She has fooled herself and me so many times in the past that I know this is just not possible.
I am sorry that this is so long. Can someone please help!