Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26
so yeah. sympathy, empathy. hell even: you're fucking nuts woman, dump your boyfriend. i mean, anything. my catholic upbringing is screaming "FIX YOUR MARRIAGE", but my heart and brain are telling me that it may be time to throw in the towel...
I find it saddening to hear what you're going through. Were it up to me, I'd have a magic wand to wave that would compel everybody involved in a relationship to step up and deal with things in a forthright fashion. Of course, it's not up to me.
I think the marriage is broken. I also think that your husband is unwilling to work on saving it. I don't see any way you can save it without him being willing to work on it with you.
Dumping your boyfriend would accomplish nothing, as I see it. Your husband's history of regarding other women as objects, coupled with his repeated serious lack of respect for you (the lapses in condom use), suggests that at some level he regards you as an object. He's uncommunicative and given to deceit (saying one thing while apparently thinking/feeling something quite different)--so how can you trust him?
I'm of firm belief that each and every relationship has to be evaluated on its own merits. It's not a case of "this one has been in existence longer than that one so it automatically has precedence." It's purely a matter of how well the relationship works *on its own* and whether the other person involved is working fully to support all the different parts of it (You, Me, and Us).
I don't know. Perhaps with some time, he may decide to work with you on it instead of simply treating you as an object that must do as he wills. There's no way I can say and I've never been in a situation near that bad. Perhaps somebody else has been in much the same boat and can offer better observations than I can.